Random Traffic Through Nick's Brain

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  alt="Photograph: Basalt carving detail, Luxor temple, 2005-10-02, © Nick Varacalli."
  title="Basalt carving detail, Luxor temple, 2005-10-02, © Nick Varacalli." />… Mind: In the last few months, I’ve lost my keys, and now, a paperback that I was reading. I rarely lose physical objects, so this trend is quite bothersome.
• … Fashion Sense: Monday I was out of clean black socks. Had to wear white gym socks to work. I felt like a dork.
• … Stress: I’ve been relaxed the last couple of weekends. Mind you, I’ve been on vacation in Amsterdam and Killington, but in the past, being on vacation hasn’t stopped me from being stressed. In the intervening weeks, I’ve been frantic, but less stressed. I think I’m learning to get things done when I have to, and not worry about it when I don’t. Even when I feel I’m falling behind in life chores, I stress less. I’ll get around to it some time.
• … Perspective: Dina frequently tells me I have problems letting things go. I’m frequently wistful about good people, places, situations, experiences, and things that are long gone. I tend to view it with regret. Doing some thinking in the shower the other day, I realized that this is a glass-½-empty view. The other way of looking at it is that I had some wonderful experiences and friends, enjoyed life, and have great memories of good times. Best thing is, as the events grow more distant, my memory becomes more selective. I remember more of the good and less of the bad.

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  alt="Photograph: Flowers and fuzzy sphinxes, Luxor temple, 2005-10-02, © Nick Varacalli."
  title="Flowers and fuzzy sphinxes, Luxor temple, 2005-10-02, © Nick Varacalli." />Accidentally gave a good friend the wrong idea as to what I think about a situation, possibly being hurtful in the process. Somehow I communicated disapproval when it’s one of the last things on my mind. Unsure how to correct this. Feel like a dumbass.
• Ended an imbalanced friendship. Was putting too much in and not getting enough back. While I can normally sustain that pattern for much longer than is good for me, I feel that I need to focus my energy on family. Unfortunately my timing sucked as my friend was and is having a really bad time with things. Though I’ve suggested that a new, more balanced friendship could be built, he has no energy for it at the moment, unsurprising given the existing imbalance. I feel like I’ve abandoned a friend and killed part of myself in the process.

Email to varacalli.com is flaky again.
If you don’t get a response to email you’ve sent us you may want to resend it and cc it to our gmail accounts (NickVaracalli or DinaDV).

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alt="Photograph: Obelisk and obelisk detail, Luxor temple, 2005-10-02, © Nick Varacalli."
title="Obelisk and obelisk detail, Luxor temple, 2005-10-02, © Nick Varacalli." />Reasons I like my life:

• I have favourite science fiction / fantasy bookstores in 3 cities, in 3 countries, on 2 continents. Fine… one of them closed down years ago, and one of them is in danger of closing soon… still nice to have cozy bookstores to hang out in.
• I have favourite juggling shops in… hmmm… at least ½ dozen cities. Unlike reading though, I don’t juggle enough anymore to justify spending money on yet more cool gear.
• I have favourite museums, parks, shops, walks, restaurants, pubs, and bars in more cities than I care to count.

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alt="Photograph: Foot with ankhle bracelet, Luxor temple, 2005-10-02, © Nick Varacalli."
title="Foot with ankhle bracelet, Luxor temple, 2005-10-02, © Nick Varacalli." />Off to Montreal this weekend and Amsterdam next weekend. If you want something, holler.

1. I’m not bringing back any people that I didn’t leave the country with, alive or dead (M&SC, you’re out of luck).
2. I’m not bringing back, sending back, or doing anything illegal (no quibbling about jurisdiction).
3. If you want any media or accessories, please be specific.
4. Standing orders (i.e, weird earring girl, tacky earring girl, dizzy postcard wanter) will be fulfilled as possible.
5. If you want a postcard, make sure I have your mailing address. Better yet, put in a standing order for postcards.

Nick: I’d like martini.

Bartender: OK… gin? Vodka?

Nick: Whatever you make best.

After this, the conversation goes downhill.
Tonight’s bartender simply gave up and handed me the menu.
More on this some other time…

… interested in evangelical Christian programming.

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alt="Photograph: Columns, near, far, Luxor temple, 2005-10-02, © Nick Varacalli."
title="Columns, near, far, Luxor temple, 2005-10-02, © Nick Varacalli." /> I’ve been trying to simplify my life for a while now. I should embrace it when my life decides to simplify itself.

Sure, the things that cut themselves out of are things I like, and possibly love dearly. However, those descriptions apply to most things in my life… it is pretty good after all… I just like whining about it on my blog.

Besides, if it were easy to make these decisions, I would have made them by now.

There would be a universal key sequence to disable hold music. Don’t forget to vote for me.

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alt="Photograph: Columns, Luxor temple, 2005-10-02, © Nick Varacalli."
title="Columns, Luxor temple, 2005-10-02, © Nick Varacalli." /> He could play a gay targ just like a-ringin’ a bell.

Yes, both Johnny B. Goode and Chuck Berry are rolling in their graves right now.
This happens in another song, whose name and lyrics escape me, where the word “guitar” is followed by a “g” or “j” sound.
Makes me wonder what I’m thinking… especially since I was told the meaning of Anita Ward’s You Can Ring My Bell a couple of years ago.

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  alt="Photograph: Column paintings of papyrus leaves, Luxor temple, 2005-10-02, © Nick Varacalli."
  title="Column paintings of papyrus leaves, Luxor temple, 2005-10-02, © Nick Varacalli." />
  Lotsa stores in the Boston area that I’ve grown used to are changing.
  Grand Opening is now online only.
  Pandemonium is moving and expanding.
  A hip friend and I are worried that this is a death sentence.
  Cremaldi’s has been replaced.
  The Globe Corner Bookstore is homeless.
• Deduction doesn’t always work.
  Dances stereotypically. Stereotypical name. Stereotypical dress.
  Ask a direct question… nope.
  So much for Sherlock Holmes.
• Send the ear that listens to you, or hand that feeds you to hell (to mix a metaphor) often enough, and it will go away. No one has infinite patience. Most people have very little in fact.
• Many people take advantage of Boston Restaurant Week to go to a fru-fru resto.
  Apparently, we’re taking advantage of it to go out to eat 4 times in a week.
  Anyone doubt we’re slightly afraid of impending parenthood?
  Mind you, last year’s resto week we went out to eat 5 times.
• People from LinkedIn who worked at the same large corporation that I did have invited me to join their network.
  I either don’t know or don’t remember these people.
  I feel odd accepting the invitations.
• Walked to Harvard square. The sidewalks were much more deformed than I remember them.
• Hung out with ++U in H^2. Good conversation.
• Hung out with a hip friend yesterday at Tosci’s.
  We were entertaining the undergrads with pregnancy discussions, swearing in front of some kids, and other odd personal topics.
  Had a very good time.

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  alt="Photograph: Karnak temple Erin looks at statue, Luxor, 2005-10-02, © Nick Varacalli."
  title="Karnak temple Erin looks at statue, Luxor, 2005-10-02, © Nick Varacalli." />
  Occasionally I go on a brief, mild caffeine kick.
  I need to remember to ease off gradually lest I get caffeine headaches.
• LinkedIn is a social networking site for job search with cool features like recommandations and introductions.
  When you automate stuff like this, it really makes you think about the human factors involved in doing this in real life.
  Odd.
  I need to think about it for a while longer, and will probably post something more in depth about it later.
  Meanwhile, if you want an invite, ping me.
• At the dance weekend, I wasn’t in a good place.
  Lack of sleep.
  Recovering from something stomach related.
  I was waiting for things to be over and done instead of being in the moment.
  I used to feel this way a lot, wanting to move on to the next thing instead of enjoying where I was.
  The episode this weekend served to illustrate that I’ve improved… it hadn’t happened in a while.
  It also shows that I have a ways to go… I couldn’t break out of the mood.
  Guess I should crack open the meditation books again.
• Before running into a field I should pause and determine if it’s a minefield.
  If it is a minefield I should pause and determine if I want to run in anyway.
  If I want to run in anyway I should pause and force myself to walk gingerly… body armour might also be a good idea.
  When walking through the field I should expect to be blown to bits at any point for the smallest misstep.
• I love my analogies.
  No one else seems to.
  I guess it has to do with the fact that that I understand all the thought that went into them since, well, I did all the thinking that went into them.
  That still means that I need to work them up to a point where they’re appreciated by others.
• I suck at letting things go.
  How do I learn to get better?
  Talking or thinking it through, either by myself, with Dina, or with friends?
  Or trying to clear my mind?
  Playing things by ear?
  Planning for what’s to come?
• If you piss people off, why should you expect them to be nice to you?
• In social groups, people ‘talk behind your back’ because news needs to travel and people can’t be expected to wait until your front is present.
• In social groups, people ‘talk behind your back’ because the group needs to figure out what it thinks about people, events, and situations.
  Groups don’t have the luxury of doing their thinking internally, inside one mind.
  If you provide stimuli to the group, it needs to determine how to react to that stimuli.

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title="Karnak temple obelisk and columns, Luxor, 2005-10-02, © Nick Varacalli." />

The way this blogger describes being seduced by baby-gear strikes me; it’s the way Dan describes food.

It scares and excites me: this may be what my future holds.

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1.
Well… that happened a lot sooner than I thought it would.
And not the way I guessed it would either.
Maybe the truth, at least as I see it, will actually set you free.
Mind you, timing’s a bit awkward.
On the other hand, maybe it’s just temporary.
Who knows? I don’t get people.

2.
I’ve become more and more aware of people’s personalities as ice-bergs.
The outer facade is a fraction of the true depths of a person.
People don’t share everything with you, both consciously, unconsciously, and just as part of the reality of being a human being.
For every behaviour, hundreds of different thought patterns and motivations could be behind it.
Every-so-often I find myself looking at friends and realizing that I have absolutely no fucking clue as to what they are thinking.
Based on their words and actions, I can’t fathom a coherent thought pattern behind it.
Not to say that there isn’t one.
Just I‘m not capable of seeing one.
Who knows? I don’t get people.

Hmmm… the title sounds like one of those books you give your kids around puberty.

Lead Up

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title="Karnak temple looking up well hung statues, Luxor, 2005-10-02, © Nick Varacalli." />
My body’s been taking a self-inflicted beating lately.

In general, I haven’t been hydrating well.

Saturday’s beer samplers at The Sunset Grill & Tap followed by an over-pour of rum upon getting home left me feeling iffy on Sunday.

Monday evening I realize I’m still not feeling 100% because I haven’t had caffeine.
My caffeine consumption is cyclic.
Most of the time, none or limited to green tea.
One month out of six, a few cans of Diet Dr. Pepper here, a cup or two of coffee there.
A cup of coffee at 20:00 helps.
I feel better almost immediately.
Side effect: I go to bed at 01:15.
I sleep fitfully.
I see the time on my alarm clock at about 02:30, 03:30, 04:30, 06:30, 07:10, 08:40, and finally ‘wake up’ at 09:00.

Work on Tuesday conspires to keep me from running, despite the pull of all the cool new gear I’d acquired over the weekend.
Who knew that running wasn’t as simple and minimalist as I thought it’d be.
I chafe in all the wrong places.
Apparently the way to fix that is to buy gear.
Another long night, unable to fall asleep until 03:00.

Today, grab a large Hazelnut from Dunkin’ Donuts on the way into work.
I rarely buy coffee on the go or in the morning.
Didn’t eat or drink my normally healthy regimen this morning either.

Learning

Yoga today was hard.
Not difficult on the muscles.
Just long and dragged out.
I felt low energy.
I wasn’t feeling the relaxation than I normally do.
It was interesting to experience Yoga and my body in a different way.

Odd.
I treat my body like this from time to time.
To some extent, who doesn’t?
Now, I feel the effects in a more pronounced but less miserable way.
Experiencing the difference in energy levels between the two attitudes towards my body fascinates me.

This Yoga thing is working. I’m more attuned my body.
If I would only listen to what it had to say.