Random Traffic Through Nick's Brain

I previously posted a short blurb about private vs. public books.

Yesterday, as I walked to the square for a quick bite to eat, I realized there’s another class of books: semi-private books. Stuff I don’t mind the anonymous public to see I’m reading, but I’d mind if friends / acquaintances / coworkers noticed. Another way to cast this is that some things are context dependant (as Dan & Erin have been trying to explain to me for years).

For example, I’d read a book on “How To Quit Your Job” where the anonymous masses could see me, but not during my lunch hour at work.

I think this dovetails with the worry by security experts / privacy advocates / the paranoid that the ubiquitous access to information that the internet provides is eroding privacy. The internet helps shrink the anonymous public space that one has.

Something I need to think about / read about a bit more… but only in private.

Starting from home, ran to the BU Bridge, Harvard Bridge and back home. About 4 miles in 50 minutes during my lunch hour.

• The changing scenery really helped a lot, time went by quite quickly. Not having the amount of time I’ve been running in front of me helped me keep my mind off it.
• It’s going to take some getting used to not running on a treadmill. I’m not sure how to pace myself. I think I run too fast. If my mind wanders near the end of the run, I start to slow down to a walk.
• My feet are a tiny bit more sore than normal. That may be because I left my running shoes at the gym and ran in my Merrills or because they were already slightly sore from yesterday’s workout.
• The unevenness of the concrete / asphalt / cobblestones / grass / dirt didn’t bother me. Neither did the hardness of the surfaces I was running on. I’m assuming that’ll change if I do this regularly.
• Go me!

Much to my continued amazement, there are many people in this world who don’t consider fruitcake absolutely delish.

To help out cosmic balance, I’m declaring that the Give Unwanted Fruitcake To Nick season officially open. In fact, I’m declaring it perpetually open. Why give?

• Nick loves fruitcake.
• You don’t like fruitcake. (If you also love fruitcake, contact me, I’ll share some of my bounty with you. Fruitcake shared among connoisseur increases world happiness.)
• Throwing away a fruitcake makes the poor fruitcake feel unwanted. Think of the fruitcake’s feelings.
• The maker, buyer, or gift-giver of the fruitcake may never realize you’ve thrown the fruitcake away. However, the karmic resonance of this despicable act permanently weakens the unseen bonds that form the global yuletide spirit.
• In a landfill, a fruitcake has a half-life of approximately 2000 years. Yes, that’s right. Fruitcake gifted by early Christians is only now starting to decompose.
• Using a standard municipal trash-incinerator to dispose of the fruitcake actually makes things worse. The fire hardens the fruitcake, extending it’s half-life to over 12,500 years. Scientists are only now coming to grips with the problem of long term storage of hardened fruitcakes.
• The human digestive system, a marvel of evolution (or intelligent design, take your pick, whatever makes you more likely to give me fruitcake), and notably, Nick’s digestive system, can process 1 pound of fruitcake in under 24 hours.

No need to buy additional fruitcakes for me and my brethren, just give us your poor, unwanted fruitcakes.

For the record, finished XMas shopping for the two most important women in my life on November 20^th. Goal is to have the wrapping done before December.

Hopefully the rest of the family will be just as easy to shop for.

Two IM conversations about bigger picture things in life. Mildly edited to removed elements of multi-threaded conversations, correct spelling, and clarify some points.

Conversation With Dina: Big Business

For those who don’t know, Dina’s an an attorney specializing in litigation. I’m a computer programmer who tends to work in the finance industry.

Dina: Just got out of meeting with a wrongful death case.
Dina: Sometimes life sucks.
Dina: Woman was visiting friends in Boston and she’s crossing the street to go to the ATM and a Coke truck trying to make a left turn hit a pole and the pole falls on her and she dies.
Dina: She was 31, nurse mother of 3 year old boy, married for 10 years
Dina: The good news is that the case is worth a couple of million, at some point it should be a nice bonus.
Dina: Sucks that I even think that way
Nick: No, it doesn’t suck.
Nick: I’ve come to terms with that lately.
Nick: People go on about working for ‘green’ or ‘sustainable’ or ‘charitable’ companies.
Nick: They see the finance industry as somehow ‘evil’.
Nick: But, part of the outcome of the finance industry is that they raise capital, and help fund things that wouldn’t be doable without the infrastructure that it provides.
Nick: The industry is here for a reason.
Nick: Similarly, you’re there for a reason. If there weren’t financial and legal punishment for killing people, even accidentally, a lot more people would get killed.
Dina: Yeah, you’re totally right. I still every so often think of the people that are involved and the lives that are affected.
Dina: But without me and my profession around the son and father would have nothing to live on and so I am doing good.
Dina: People die, I’m not involved in that part, I just help to pick up the pieces afterwards.
Nick: As well you should. But you shouldn’t feel bad that you also think about it financially. We have us to take care of, and a lifestyle to maintain. Yes, there are people worse off. Yes, you don’t need it. But innovation happens because of incentive.
Dina: Necessity and invention.

Conversation With Jim: Life & Death

Nick: Anyone we know (whose mother died)?
Jim: Nah; it was siblings from another social group, (one of whom was the one who committed suicide last year).
Nick: Hmm. That family is having a really bad year. =[
Jim: Not a good run for a very nice family, so I’ll at least show my face, even though wakes are (obviously) some of my least favorite gatherings
Nick: I abhor wakes. I tend not to cry much at them, and, as sensitive as I try to be, I still hate it when people cry.
Jim: Exactly. I feel like I am somewhat shut down at them (realizing that it’s just that I’m rational enough to realize that someone who’s 80 and been sick for 10 years had a good run and we all die). But then other people are….
Nick: I tend to think about it along the lines of “There’s no use crying over spilt milk.” Sucky of me, but that’s me.
Jim: Exactly. Someone our age killed in an accident or something: possibly shocking enough to cry over. Grandma who’s 85 and been unhealthy all her life and sick /miserable for 15 years, not quite as shocking. That said, I still don’t deal well with death, but it doesn’t evoke a bawling reaction from me usually.
Nick: I actually try and visit people before they die (in case of old age or cancer or whatnot). Good that I get to see them alive. Good that I miss the funeral. Bad that I miss seeing friends and relatives that I don’t normally see because I skip the funeral. Bad that friends and relatives think I’m insensitive (in some ways I am, on other ways, I think life is for the living).
Jim: Yeah, I drove 17 hours through a winter snowstorm to see my grandma when we knew she was going to die in a week or so. (She stopped taking these drugs that were impairing her mental acuity but keeping her liver working. So, she had about 7 days of lucidity left.) Possibly the biggest pain in the ass trip ever, but I’m glad I did it.
Jim: Anyway, thanks for the thoughts. I appreciate them.

Ran 5 miles on the treadmill in 60 minutes. This after a 45 minute strength training class. Go me!

How long have you had your tattoo?

Since June 1996. It doesn’t have any meaning, it’s just body-decoration. I got it despite my aichmophobia. I may get another one eventually now that said phobia is being overcome.

How long have you worn earrings?

I’ve had 2 holes in my left ear since I was a teenager. I let one close for a little while because it was crooked, and re-pierced it while I was in London. Though I used to wear some fun earrings (my favourites being a Bajoran looking one that pre-dates Deep Space 9 and a pair: a screw, and the letter “U”), I mainly keep the same ones (simple hoops or studs) in for months or years at a time these days.

When do I get to see confident-Nick again?

I don’t know. Soon hopefully. I’m working on it. It’s one of my goals for this year. For the curious, they are:

• Be healthy.
• Be thoughtful.
• Be self-confident and self-content.

It’s odd… accomplishing some of the other goals, notably getting in shape, are helping me along with this one. Thoughtful vs. self-confidence has always been a difficult balance for me.

Oddly… adding and accomplishing goals not on my initial list has helped my confidence immensely. I also owe a nod to Vic, my brother. He’s a wise man.

Multitasking

I normally brainstorm in front of the computer so I can write things down as I think of them. Yesterday I realized that if I write things on the white board (or on the window) in my office, I can be using my balance board while thinking.

I Am Canadian

Since I’ve started exercising again, my tolerance for cold is approaching normal levels… at least for me. I’m now comfy in jeans (have I mentioned that I finally fit in my jeans again after almost 2 years) and a t-shirt down to about 32°F as long as I’m walking. My goal is to be comfortable down to about 20°F. As unreasonable as that may sound, it’s still not near my peak.

I used to tell my friends in London that I didn’t mind the cold because I’m Canadian. At some point they realized it was just me.

I’ll be nice and hide it among other text…

Went to the gym today (3.5 miles in 45 minutes, go me!). Forgot to pack socks & underwear. Which led me to the discovery: Commando + Khakis = Surprisingly Comfortable.

Don’t worry. I’ll “fix” the situation before going dancing tonight.

Previously, I’d discussed names for girls.

For years, Dina has been saying she likes the name Nick for a boy. I’m not all that enthusiastic about the concept of a “Nick Jr.” in the family. Seems confusing.

Yesterday I figured out the compromise. Nick is a fine name for a son of mine… provided I get to set the middle name to “Twopointoh” (pronounced twap-on-toh) or more simply, “2.0″.

I was thinking the other day about how I get sick or feel under the weather fairly often. This obviously begs the question:

Which ability score would I decrease by 1 in order to increase my constitution by 1?

Intelligence? As a software engineer, that’s probably the attribute I use the most to make a living… can’t be that.

Charisma? Probably the thing I used next most. Plus, I don’t think I have much, if any, to spare.

Wisdom? I barely get by on what I’ve got. C’mon… do you want me making stupider decisions than I already do?

Dexterity? Maybe… but I took up juggling to stop being a klutz. Not sure how much I want to go about tripping over my own feet for the rest of my life.

I guess that leaves Strength. I can bring the groceries in fewer bags at a time… right?

Yes there are other gaming systems out there, but D&D is the one I picked.

Can I get any geekier? Yes, but not without effort.

I’ve been thinking… what can Dina and I do to generate passive income?

The obvious thing for me to do is write software… besides that… what?

I blog because I enjoy doing it.

Why do I enjoy blogging?

The epiphany hit me today while driving home in the rain. I think I talk to much. One of my constant goals is to talk less, or at the very least, increase my signal to noise ratio. I don’t like talking to people because I constantly feel I’m boring them. On the way home I was thinking about how my blogging style has changed over the years (probably for the worse) and wondering about the effect that was having on my vast readership. Then it hit me… I’m free to express myself because the readers control whether or not they read what I write. I don’t walk up and talk to them. They actively come to ‘listen’ and can easily stop at any time.

Same reason that I enjoy posting pictures online. I’m not boring people to death with the thousands of pictures I take. The best / most relevant are up for people to see if they want to.

Received my 1^st SMS Spam message today.

Finally noticed that Monsters Inc. has an element of thinly veiled geo-political commentary.

If our friends don’t want it, it’s going on Craigslist / eBay / Amazon / freecycle / reuse. If you’re coming to gaming night, that’d be a great time to take the stuff off our hands.

• Old boombox. CD. 2 cassette. Radio.
• Flight yoke. Great for playing Flight Simulator.
• A bunch of $1 off batteries coupons.
• Backpack that can carry 2 bottles.
• Professor Pathfinder’s map of Cambridge / MIT.
• Various books & comics.
• Various things to hang on walls.
• Various other stuff.

Good: Went to all three classes at the gym here at work. Strength Training on Monday, Yoga Flow on Wednesday, and Pilates Tone & Stretch on Friday.

Bad: Didn’t do any running or weights on Tuesday or Thursday. Forgetting my iPod at home all week, though a lame excuse, was the straw that broke this camel’s back.

Fair warning to my readers… things may get even more cryptic than normal for a while. Maybe once things settle down I’ll be able to post enough to clarify…

In the meantime:

blargh #1