bullet point stream of consciousness may occur at times…
My first major project at work hit production while I was on vacation. It wasn’t the disaster that I had nightmares about. Thankfully.
Project management instills me with a feeling of helplessness. You depend on other people. Not everyone is a Smooth or a Sheffi. How do you estimate how long it will take someone who is more junior / less skilled than you are to do something? Relying on their estimate isn’t always right, because, heck, their estimation skills may not be their forté.
I have the urge to code, even if I should be overseeing things. I broke down and coded something that I should have delegated. Is this bad?
I’m done. It didn’t blow up. It is useful. But… will it be used?
On this project, I was worried that my architecture wouldn’t be up to snuff. I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to do it well enough. My new project is more familiar. I’m simply not sure if I’ll be able to get it done on time. Much more reassuring… I know how to deal with that.
Honest introspection and the outward appearance of self-confidence are two things that I have yet to reconcile.