Dina and I were discussing this.
Among the most frustrating things that my friends say to me are that I have no patience, and that I can’t be subtle.
While I freely admit that I frequently lack patience, and that I rarely attempt to be subtle, it’s kind of annoying to be
pigeonholed into the none category.
On the patience thing, yes, having more patience is something I need to work on. There are things that I am quite patient about… <shrug /> … this is really a topic for another day.
What I want to discuss is subtlety. While I freely admit that I am not subtle, it’s not like the patience thing, where it’s something I feel I should work on. I much prefer directness, and open, frank communication. According to Dina, this is perceived by others as brutal, if not overly brutal honesty. Though I find this preferable, I’m coming to see that not everyone likes this quality in me, so I attempt to pick and choose my moments more and more these days. The problem I feel is best illustrated by an analogy.
I’m at a friend’s, and they serve supper. When asked “How was the meal?” my natural inclination is to respond:
Overall it was good. The steak was great, the fries were fantastic, but the vegetables weren’t up to your normally standards.
Apparently, some people don’t like the last clause. So, I try to understand this, and say something like:
It was good. The steak was great and the fries were fantastic.
Most people are happy with this. In some cases, however, the person will pick up on me not mentioning the veggies, and ask “What about the vegetables?” At this point, I’m already committed to not completely speaking my mind, so I say something along the lines of:
Mmm… those vegetables.
Now, my gracious host and cook asks if I’d like a second helping, and, of course, being the gourmand that I am, I say yes.
I end up with more steak, more fries, and more @#$%&# vegetables on my plate. I now have to eat something I don’t particularly like, or find an excuse for not eating the vegetables. Again, due to the pesky gourmand thing, no one believes me if I say I’m full… so I have to find another excuse… something which, as is being made painfully clear through this entry… I really suck at, and, more importantly, I don’t really see the use of.
Though this is just an example, I find that the times I am subtle, and Dina actually notices a lot of these, it just goes unnoticed, and I end up at the least, never being credited for being subtle, and at the worst, in the very situation I would have wanted to avoid by being direct.
Maybe this means that I suck at it, and should practice more, but I’m still convinced that it’s the wrong way to go. For now, I bow to social pressure, and will continue plugging away. Maybe I’ll just smirk internally in the minor schadenfreude that this situation makes me feel.
Ghod I’m whiny today.
[...] Some people insist on holding Alex, even after one of us has tried, as politely as possible to suggest that we would prefer that Alex stay where he is (or, we think Alex would prefer to stay where he is). We’re not perfect… but we think we have a pretty good idea of when Alex is amenable to being held. From our point of view, repeatedly insisting that you want to hold the cute baby doesn’t indicate that you have Alex’s best interests in mind. [...]